This
thread is dedicated to our beloved poster of 13 years – Perry and his parrot.
For
those who are new to JWC Perry is the foremost apologist for Christian
Fundamentalism and all its shining truths. He previously posted a thread
entitled “Atheist Miracles”. This thread is going to be the mirror image of
Perry’s fantabulous thread.
Miracle number one: It’s the first miracle in the
Bible but it’s an evil miracle. It goes something like this:
A
talking snake told a naked lady to eat a fruit and share it with a naked man that
had a missing rib. Then all hell broke loose (literally) and all of a sudden
lions started gobbling baby lambs instead of eating grass; Tyrannosaurus
stopped eating palm trees and started munching on Brontosaurs and galaxies
started crashing into each other (with only 6,000 years to travel tens of
millions of light years) - Genesis 3.
No
further commentary.
Miracle number two:
”6 After
saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it
on the man’s eyes. 7 “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of
Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home
seeing.” John 9:6-7 New International Version
Why didn’t
Jesus simply say something like “You can see now” with an instantaneous healing?
He did tell a man “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Plain and simple with no
muddy voodoo (John 5:8-9 NIV).
Perhaps
it was a type with the antitype representing the Watchtower who claim to see
clearly even though they have mud in their eyes.
Miracle number three:
Who
doesn’t know that infirmities such as blindness, muteness and epilepsy are
caused by demons? I’m sure you can find qualified physicians and scientists who would confirm
that:
"22 Then they brought him a
demon-possessed man who was blind and mute, and Jesus healed him, so that he
could both talk and see." Matthew 12:22 NIV
"33 And when the demon was driven
out, the man who had been mute spoke." Matthew 9:33a NIV
"42 Even while the boy was coming,
the demon threw him to the ground in a convulsion. But Jesus rebuked the impure
spirit, healed the boy and gave him back to his father." Luke 9:42 NIV
Why aren't those miracles happening now when Jesus said that his disciples would be performing the same miracles (Mark 16:16-18)?
Miracle number four:
Jesus casts
out demons that are responsible for being a hunchback:
"10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching
in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been
crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not
straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her
forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then
he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
"Luke 13:10-13 NIV
"16 Then should not this woman, a
daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set
free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?” Luke 13:16 NIV
Did
anyone really know this woman? Jesus could have given her a shekel or two to
pretend she was hunched over. Oh my! I’m going to hell for saying that.
And finally miracle number five:
Faithful
Mary Magdalene who had not one; not three; but seven demons cast out (Luke 8:2)!
It’s a pity we know so little about her. Any woman with so many demons must
have had an interesting life.
